I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
