when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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