When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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