____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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