I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
