did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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