it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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