i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
