I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
