Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
