she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
