Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
