saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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