Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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