ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
