dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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