I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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