the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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