He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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