I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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