areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
