Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
