very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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