I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
