She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
