saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
