I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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