I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
