i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
