nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
