Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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