you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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