btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
