do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
