I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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