saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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