I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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