I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
