Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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