my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
