we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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