He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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