Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
