I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
