looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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