Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize