According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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