I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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