dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
