I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
