I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
