He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
