Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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