i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
