Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I looked at my own cervix.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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