i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
