Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
