I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
