i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
