If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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